tears (for fears)

I might be a weird thing to say, but I really love crying. I know that sounds stupid, but I'm an extremely emotional person, and crying lets all of those emotions explode out of my body without me having to do anything. Does that make sense? Whatever, it does to me. I love crying at sappy movies, too. Really just any good excuse to cry, I'll take it. At least that's how I used to be.

Since my mom, which has been almost thirteen months now, I haven't been able to cry about anything but her. Well, her, and frustration. I'm one of those frustrated cryers. I tend to stress myself out about everything in my life and therefore end up crying about something. But when it came to arguments, disputes, people calling to say they missed me, even fights with the boyfriend (they do happen, people), I didn't shed a tear. I wouldn't even think about it. I was Stonewall Jackson. My body just couldn't make those salty drops fall from my eyes. And it scared me because I thought I wasn't going to be able to show emotion like "normal" people do anymore. (I know, I know, since when have I EVER been concerned with being "normal"?)

Anyway, all of this boils down to the fact that I cried tonight. And it was during a time when I usually wouldn't have (or at least wouldn't have in the past 13 months). So, I feel a sense of accomplishment. I feel better because I cried. And I can go to bed in a far better mood than I was in about 2 hours ago.

Goodnight, whoever you are.