Friday, January 28, 2011

tears (for fears)

I might be a weird thing to say, but I really love crying. I know that sounds stupid, but I'm an extremely emotional person, and crying lets all of those emotions explode out of my body without me having to do anything. Does that make sense? Whatever, it does to me. I love crying at sappy movies, too. Really just any good excuse to cry, I'll take it. At least that's how I used to be.

Since my mom, which has been almost thirteen months now, I haven't been able to cry about anything but her. Well, her, and frustration. I'm one of those frustrated cryers. I tend to stress myself out about everything in my life and therefore end up crying about something. But when it came to arguments, disputes, people calling to say they missed me, even fights with the boyfriend (they do happen, people), I didn't shed a tear. I wouldn't even think about it. I was Stonewall Jackson. My body just couldn't make those salty drops fall from my eyes. And it scared me because I thought I wasn't going to be able to show emotion like "normal" people do anymore. (I know, I know, since when have I EVER been concerned with being "normal"?)

Anyway, all of this boils down to the fact that I cried tonight. And it was during a time when I usually wouldn't have (or at least wouldn't have in the past 13 months). So, I feel a sense of accomplishment. I feel better because I cried. And I can go to bed in a far better mood than I was in about 2 hours ago.

Goodnight, whoever you are.


candoor said...

it's alright to cry :)

i hope you work through the block, for your emotional release is important to you and i believe an emotional release is important even if one doesn't know it... i used to cry easily at movies, songs, books (movies and music did it easiest) and trauma seems to dry up the tears by hardening the heart and numbing the emotions... most people go through life quite numbed, males more than females, but most everyone... the numbness becomes the norm and emotional release becomes rare...

i hope life smiles today :)

hitaakademi said...

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kurye ankara hizmette
sinir tanimiyor...

hitaakademi said...

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siramatik Türkiye'de hizmet ve faaliyetlerini sürdürmektedir.

Bob Sadino said...

i like to listen to sad song anyone knows the cure.
im so depressed i need to work but i just cant stop

candoor said...

So long ago, so much could change, so where are you today?
Making new friends, feeling so strange, that is the only way.
Here is a hug, a simple smile, a friendly way to say,
I want to know, to understand, can you come out to play?

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