Friday, October 16, 2009

I'm quoting a theatre teacher.

...but I won't tell you who it is. I have to keep some level of mystery (and confidentiality) with these posts. I will tell you, however, that he is extremely tall, directs the musical, and teaches my Contemporary World Drama class. Moving on...

He said yesterday that, "Change is unsettling, even if it's change you want."

I think I took to this quote because so much around us is changing all the time. And it was a good reminder that if some of the changes make us restless - that's okay! We don't need to take everything as it comes at us so well. We can be weirded out at first. We can have doubts and fears. We can fight it a little...

...or a lot.

But we ultimately need to learn where to find our peace.

In John, we read that Jesus said, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

So, find peace with your change. Find peace in your trouble.

After all, He has overcome the world :)

Monday, October 5, 2009

My hair is too long.

I got the part of Gwendolen in The Importance of Being Earnest this April.

My mom's surgery went well. (She had half of her lung removed.)

I've been fighting off a cold for like 3 weeks.

I work too many jobs and too many hours, yet not enough.

Scrooge is slowly but surely taking over my life.

My grades could use a little pick-me-up.

It's my birthday month! I'm going to be a twenty-something!

Seth. <3

Sunday, September 13, 2009

I'm fine.

I don't update nearly as much as I should/want to. Oh well.

Well, I'm a Piper. An orange Piper, to be exact. I've been a Piper for a week and a day, and I've had 2 rehearsals since then, and it still hasn't really set in. I've heard that it won't click until we do our first show, and even then it won't be until a kid runs up to me and says, "You're my favorite Piper!" ::sigh:: I really can't express how blessed I am by this group of people. Retreat is next weekend and it's the only thing I have on my mind...which is a bad thing since I have a HUGE test on Wednesday in my education class. Oops.

I finally saw the second episode of Glee. I have to say, I'm beyond obsessed already. And the thing is, I don't really care if other people are or not. It does not and will not affect my view of the show and how much I love it. So there.

Last night, two friends and I went to a playground and sat on the swings and talked for like an hour and a half. It was really great, and more things like that should happen in my life.

For you I’d wait 'til kingdom come
Until my days, my days are done
And say you'll come and set me free
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me

Friday, August 28, 2009

Senior year...

I shouldn't be making a big deal about this. I'm going to have senior year twice...(you can laugh now)

I was pretty sad to see Summer '09 go, but this semester has been off to a great start. Anyway, the first week of classes in my senior year of college is complete. I'm taking on a lot this semester, but I think it will be a really great one. I'm only taking 15 class hours, but I'm working 18 hours a week on top of that (split between 3 jobs), AND I'm in the musical. Let's not forget the musical :)

Seth is also BACK and I am probably the happiest girl in the world.

Oh, and I got 11 hours of sleep last night. Jealousy may

[I promise I'm not this boring in person...]

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Why I rarely update in the summer...

...I don't have homework to procrastinate with.
I have fun things to actually be doing. Well, either that, or I'm at work.
Here's to seeing Seth in 12 days, moving into my dorm in 13 days, and classes starting in 23 days.
Not too bad.

Friday, June 26, 2009


I am as happy as I could be right now.

I say this truthfully, without a hidden agenda.

I am growing as a person. I am growing closer to God.

I am learning so much about myself.

My friends are awesome.

This summer has been great so far.

Uplift. Preschool. Nunsense.

47 days til I see Seth :)

I am so blessed. I have a wonderful life.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

And then I moved back to Searcy...

Well, I think I need a quick update. Maybe I don't, but oh well...

I moved back to good ole AR on Sunday. I'm staying with Amber at our boss Mendi's house this week, and then I'll be moving on campus for UPLIFT. I started my job at the preschool on Tuesday...working Tuesday-Friday...from 7:30-5:30...for the rest of the summer. Then on weekends I'll be ushering for SSDT, which is from 6-11ish. I start rehearsing for Nunsense on Monday (by the way, I got Sister Robert Anne...and I'm STOKED!), so that will fill my nights. Yes, I will be keeping busy. Yes, I will have little free time. BUT- I chose this.

Sidenote...Morgan wants me to audition for Millie. I really don't think I'll have time, but I'm not gonna lie...I'm considering it.

This is the part of the post where Mary get's serious...
I'm really wanting to change a lot this summer. Because I've been evaluating myself a lot lately, and I hate what I find. I hate how insanely jealous I am. Insanely. Jealous. I hate how impatient I am. And I hate that I haven't done anything to change these things in the past. If you're reading this, and you're my friend, help me. Encourage me. Pray for me. I promise you, I need it.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Since I've been home...

There are few things in the world that can make me as happy as I am when I am performing. The high that I get from being onstage is something I could live on, and plan to live on, for the rest of my life. I've been home for 8 days and can already add "swing" to my resume. For those of you who don't know, I was asked to join the ensemble of "Oklahoma" at the Broadway Theatre of Pitman. This is where I did "Damn Yankees" last summer, and I absolutely LOVE performing there. I rehearsed a little on Tuesday night and some of Thursday afternoon, learning all of the "Dream Ballet" and "Farmer and the Cowman". If you know Oklahoma, you know these are big dance numbers. Like, huge. But I had a great time and I hope I didn't mess up too horribly on stage! Haha! I was so happy to perform with some of my best friends again. They are all so talented, I was in awe just looking next to them on stage and knowing that I was performing right next to them. And I know that sounds cheesy, but whatever. I had an amazing time. I never knew how much I missed "Oklahoma" until I got back on that stage.

In more recent news, my nephew is here today!!! I got to meet Jonathan for the first time. He is absolutely perfect. I got to feed him and play with him and get head butted a lot...but then he fell asleep so we took a nap together in my bed. I didn't sleep though, I just watched "Holes" on the Disney channel...but I let Jonathan sleep. He's beautiful.

So what's in store for me this summer? Well, I have two more weeks in Jersey and then it's back to Searcy until either Thanksgiving or Christmas. I will be doing UPLIFT as soon as I get back to Searcy, as well as beginning rehearsals for NUNSENSE: THE MUSICAL! I am so excited to get these projects started! I really just can't wait! I also [hopefully] got the job at the preschool, so I'll be occupying the rest of my time by working there.

88 days. That's how long it is until I can see Seth again. If you could keep me...and him...and our relationship in your prayers, that would be great. I miss him more than I could ever miss anybody, and it's only been 9 days. A bit pathetic? Maybe. I know that he is having the time of his life, and a huge part of me is jealous and wishes I could be there with him, but I know that this summer will make us stronger. It's a tough job trying to be tough, but I'll do it because I love him.

This was a long post. Congrats if you read all of this.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Reminder for the future...

to never have serious talks with my mother at 3 in the morning, because I will only hurt her feelings and make her cry.

I feel like a horrible daughter.

Friday, May 8, 2009

I'm lucky.

Update if any of you were wondering:
I'm now a senior in college. (Ooooo ooooooooh!)
I go back to Jersey tomorrow until the end of May.
I will be in a production of weekend!
I'm involved in Uplift Drama this year.
It takes me and Tessa longer to pack up our dorm room than anyone else on campus.
Seth left this morning...
Oh, and did I mention that we're in love?
Because I love him.


Friday, April 24, 2009

Homework? Nahhhh.

This weekend is going to be FULL of homework...and projects...and final papers...and reports...and a ridiculous amount of other things that I don't have the time OR energy for.

So...why not delay all of my work with a trip to Heber?



oh...and I'm home in 15 days!

Monday, April 20, 2009

Seriously, Monday? SERIOUSLY?!

Today could not have been more of a roller coaster if I wanted it to be. It took some great and amazing turns but always seemed to turn horrible.
Here's some things I've learned:
1. I need to back off.
2. I try too hard.
3. I can be PATHETIC.
4. Sometimes...I need to give up.

That last one. Yeah.
Give up.
And stop feeling so sorry for myself.

Emo Mary. Emo blog. Emo day.
Emo. Emo. Emo.
Decisions. Decisions. Decisions.

Monday, April 13, 2009

This is life...together?

I have more things on my to-do list than I do hours in the day. It's a bit ridiculous. But I'm pretty sure it's this way for everyone until the semester is over.
I refuse to be upset over every passing moment. I don't want to be the person who lives in negative countdowns. Only happy ones. Because everything is going to be okay :)
Oh, and Spring Sing is over!
But Scapin is not. And it's funny. So come see it this weekend.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Dear self, get over it.

I don't have the time or motivation to be writing on here, but I am. I joined the cast of "Scapin" a week ago, for those of you who don't know, and things have been going...okay with that. I know I could be doing a lot more with it. And it's hard when all of my friends are involved with Spring Sing in so many different ways. I'm excited to cheer my brother on in something that he loves to do and is GOOD at, but I do wish I was right there next to him. (There, I said it, okay?) BUT alas, my sister will get here Thursday and that will begin one of the most ridiculously busy weekends of my life.

Also, pray for me. I'm asking for your prayers. Yes, you. Pray for me. Pray that I can learn to be more understanding. And that I can believe in myself. That sounds crazy amounts of emo, but seriously, I can get pretty low. (note: asking for prayers is difficult)

ON A HIGHER NOTE- Plans for this summer are shaping up even more. I'm excited to see what's in store for me. Because this summer is going to be a great experience for me. It really will. From apartment hunting to voice training to (maybe) being in a show to working at a preschool to working at the radio station to doing UPLIFT...I will be so busy I won't know what to do with myself.

I am blessed. Beyond words. I don't know what I did.
(I guess I must have done something right)

Saturday, March 28, 2009


Sometimes I can be the kind of person even I'd want to be friends with.

But then other times, I'm dramatic and needy and stubborn and jealous.

And I hate it.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Where in the world is Paducah, Kentucky?!

Okay so I've already told most of the people that read this about my weekend, but I will recap some pretty amazing highlights....

1. Really long car rides with Seth :)
2. Going to Wal-Mart like crazies at midnight to get Twilight.
3. Flamingo Row. Good food...bright colors.
4. Dippin' Dots?!
5. Walking around downtown and being "that couple".
6. Still not understanding what "bubble tea" is.
7. Going to Superman's HOMETOWN! Ohhh ohhhh!
8. CRACKER BARREL! (First time ever. I was deprived...)
8. Seeing "I Love You, Man". Slappin' the bass.
9. Crazy song leaders in church...?
10. Spending the whole weekend with one of my best friends :)

I laughed a whole freaking lot during this trip. It was nice to get away...again, since spring break was just last week. It was nice to be accepted into a family of truly incredible people. I really have very little motivation for school the rest of the semester. This is bad, guys.

BUT- now on to school work and spring sing and MY SISTER COMING TO VISIT and trying to figure out summer plans....yeah...

Oh, and girl's night tonight...that consisted of "Secret Life" and "J&K+8"? Yeah, that should happen more often.


Saturday, March 14, 2009

Spring Break '09

Hey, I had a good time.

Thank you, Louisiana and helped me discover more about myself than I thought I would this week. And to you guys, too...


I guess I'll let everyone else write about the drama, but I had a lot of FUN.

::Legally Blonde! Pancakes at Kevin's? Baton Rouge! Joe's Crab Shack. Baby Mama. Ridiculous lunch after church. College group Sunday night. Watching everyone play v-ball. New Orleans! Photo shoot time. That magic guy? Sephora for WAY too long. Making wishes in the fountain. Snowballs? Crawfish. Nick and Nora = "best" movie ever? Baking cookies. Driving in the rain. Driving way too fast. Eustace! Applebees. Chicken Express tea. Sydney White on the big screen. FRIENDS. Watching a one-act. Texmex. Hot tub! Dallas! Sam Moon. Mall. Dave & Buster's. Baking cookies. And staying up wayyy too late.::

I love you guys.
And thanks for letting me skype with Seth almost every night :)

Thursday, March 5, 2009

"I haven't done that since high school..."

If you've been around me for more than two hours at Harding, you've probably heard me say the above phrase. It's always a joke about something absolutely ridiculous that no one that I know or am friends with (or myself) would EVER do, but it always gets a laugh, which is my main goal in almost everything that I say anyway.

The point: I think about high school a lot.

I always think about how many people I was friends with (that is NOT meant to sound the way most of you probably heard it), the different groups I would interact with, the teachers whom I would visit every day during breaks, and the different sports teams I was a part of. I played soccer all four years, and ran indoor and outdoor track for my first two years. After that, I did the spring musical. (I did the fall play my senior year, but I joined during show week only because someone got sick.)

Chosing to go away to college was one of the easiest and most difficult decisions I've ever had to make. Part of this might have to do with the fact that my two best friends chose to go to the same school...15 minutes away from home. Probably 90% of my graduating class stayed in NJ...and the majority of them went to community college. Another 5% of my class was divided between schools in PA or DE or something of the sort. People just...DIDN'T leave. But I did.

I look on facebook at the people who are still bffs with the people they were in high school. They know each other SO well, and continue to make memories that will probably last long as they all stay in their NJ friend pool. And I know I'm out of the loop on a lot of things when I go home. I can't possibly be as involved in everyone's lives like I wish I could be while still focusing on my life at school. It would wear me down. And it's sad...and I miss home a lot. I miss high school a lot.

Am I writing this to say that I regret going 1100 miles away to school? No. Just stating something that often crosses my mind. I wouldn't be who I am today if I didn't leave NJ and go to school where I am now. I know that my high school reunions will be interesting, because while I know that so much of me is still the Mary that everyone knew in high school...most of them wouldn't recognize me by who I am now.

If I didn't come here, I wouldn't have met some of the most amazing people I will ever be blessed to know. I am blessed beyond all reason. I am surrounded by people who care about me. I am surrounded by people who love. And while I thought that high school was the time of my life, college is proving to be pretty amazing, too.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Was it worth it?

So this weekend, Tessa and I had the bright idea of going to Abilene. This would be a weekend with 18 hours spent in a car, none of those hours involving studying. Ashley was soon convinced to join, and we were off to Texas. We saw "Little Women: The Musical" and it was ABSOLUTELY IN-FREAKING-CREDIBLE!

This weekend was very necessary. It was great to get away with two great friends, great to see my second family again, great to just get up and GO somewhere, great to hang out with new people....great great great.

But then there were things that weren't so the fact that Ashley and I went to bed at 5 in the morning last night because we had to compose our Design boxes. Yeah. We watched all of "Mean Girls" and "Rent" the deleted scenes and alternate endings. I don't have time for naps anymore with the addition of my new costuming job, and so I pressed on. I skipped a class today to make time for lunch with a certain someone I've missed, and everything for the rest of the day kind of fell into it's crammed little place. I still have Children's Theatre Company papers to be writing...and I won't finish that until tomorrow morning. Why? Because it's almost 1 am and I QUIT TODAY!

And I think tomorrow might also include cleaning our dorm? Hahaha.

Sometimes you just need to sit in a study room with a blanket and lay your head on someone's shoulder...with the fact that you're together being the comfort that makes you want to keep on.


I'm fading fast. I just needed to update quickly before all of this blacks out of my memory when I hit the bed.

Hey, I know that I'll look back at all of the stupidly amazing things I did in college and be glad I did them. I was afraid I'd regret taking a mini vacation to Abilene. But my friends, it was worth it.

That, and I'm sleeping with Amber during spring break? :)

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

11:11 pm

Tonight, I wished for the same thing you did.

And I smiled.


Ha. Hahaha. HAHAHAHA!

I will take a deep breath.
Stand up straight.
Smile my usual smile.
(the one that reminds you that I'm better than that)
And go on like that never happened.
I have friends who pull me through.

..yes, you make me merry.
make me very very happy.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Don't hate me after reading this.

This is going to sound horrible.
But I've finally found someone that I WANT to treat well. And I am finally happy enough with myself and who I am to admit that. Can I be a horrible person? Yes. I'll be the first person to admit that you don't want to make me angry. But I was NOT myself in the past. In fact, I've never been more myself than I am when I'm with him.
I'm not really sure if anyone will/can understand this, but it's the absolute truth. I have found somebody who is, in every way, an answered prayer. I have settled in the past. I have chased after things that I knew weren't right or wouldn't work out, just to see if I could. This is not the case. And I am FULLY aware than this blog has turned into "let's read about Mary's relationship", and I'm not wanting it to be that way...but I am discovering SO MUCH about myself in this process that I can't NOT write about it. The "Mary" that everyone, myself included, knew and loved several months ago is back. I think the last time I prayed this hard about anything was when my mother was sick. For the past few months I have actually been real with God, telling him what I know I need, instead of what I want or what is easy.
And now I'm praying that I can get rid of this feeling that I'm not good enough...because it is the worst lie that replays in my head everytime he does something sweet.

I'll update on other life news now, if you care:
Design class is eating my soul. I am spending so much to make this Cornell box that I might as well pick up yet ANOTHER job just to pay for my projects. I need to make a box for Hedda Gabler. And while I think the box will be great and fun and such to make...there just aren't enough hours in the DAY! And I need to finish it this week before I go to Abiline this weekend with Tessa to see LITTLE WOMEN!!!!!! AHHHHH!!! SO EXCITED!

I have it pretty good. Seriously.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Take a deep breath.

Will I EVER be happy with my hair?


Why did I have to get it done this week? When everything is already 10x worse than it actually is. And ridiculously blown out of proportion. WHY?

I'm pathetic.

Thursday, February 19, 2009


I've never been one to rip up, tear apart, cut, shred, and then throw things away...things that may or may not have meant something to me in the past. But I did. And it was the absolute best feeling in the world. Even Anna asked why I was in such a good mood when she came in my room. I couldn't hide it.
I am making really positive decisions. About everything. I'm becoming a better person...and I realize that this is a PROCESS and that I will have downfalls. But I have no reason to be the disgusting whoever-I-was months ago. I am encouraged.
Even my mom noticed a difference. My sister, too.
And that means something.

ANYWAY! Enough of the heavy stuff, right? Today was wonderful...this weekend will be really interesting because everyone and their mom is leaving campus. So it's basically a weekend of me and Amber...and Kris. Which is much needed and I am very excited for the randomness that is to come.


I must have done something right.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

I need to work on it.

I'm not really sure why I convinced myself that my stress levels would go down after my show closed, but it was all false hope. Alas, schoolwork will never let me sleep.

I also need to work on a few jealousy. In a lot of ways and in a lot of situations, I am not jealous at all. But there are those few exceptions that punch me in the face. And I know that I can hide my emotions to a lot of people fairly well, but there are still those few that see right through me. And I know it's not healthy to be doing this...and that the only way I will get over being jealous is to be faced with situations where I would usually be jealous. It's like praying for patience. You don't just get it; you're faced with opportunities to grow.

Spring Break plans are almost complete. Legally Blonde tickets will soon be purchased. And I'm SO excited for what is to come! :)

I am starting to recognize myself again.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Valentine's Day...and my show closing.

This Valentine's Day was the most amazing Valentine's Day that I have ever been a part of.

Lunch. Presents. Pictures. Amazing boyfriend.

My show...and the fact that it's over.

Yet somehow, someone seems to keep lying. You know who you are. I won't scream a name out there, though I have screamed about this. You are coming between me and MY friends, and it's been going on for TOO long. I don't think you realize how in control of this you are, and how in denial you are, and how badly you are taking ADVANTAGE of the fact that I forgive. Well guess what? I no longer trust you. Oh, and thank you for making me doubt my friends along the way.

(breathe, Mary. breathe.)

Friday, February 13, 2009

Pathetic female theatre major, anyone?

Opening night was amazing. My cast was fabulous and I couldn't be happier with the way they handled the night.
On the other hand, I was thinking about how Mr. Miller couldn't see my show because he's overseas. It's hard when the teacher who taught me HOW to direct and has worked with me as my director on 4 shows so far didn't get to see MY show. But I learned to deal with it and got over it. So I thought...
Mr. Lynn came to the show last night with his family. I was very excited. Well, his daughter got sick after Anna's show, and his wife left with their son and he had to leave with his daughters. I started to freak out before the lights when up for my show because he had left the I wanted to see if they could hold the show or anything. I was comforted by Anna and Megan, and the show started. I was later informed that he watched about half or more of my show from the light booth, so that made me smile a little. Bringing this up in class today was not the smartest idea on my part. He told me that he was in the booth, checking on the techies, for about 5 minutes, and then left.
He didn't see my show. And he can't come another night to see it.
And the second I hit the door to leave, I started crying.
My parents can't be here. My family can't see what I've done. What I've poured my soul into for the last...what seems like forever. It's hard to think back on anything before plans for this show.
I guess I'm just overly emotional right now. This week has been a lot to handle.

And Seth, I'm sorry I cried all over your jacket.

Thursday, February 12, 2009


Tonight is opening night.

More to come about that later.

Monday, February 9, 2009

There's no business like show business.

Show week.
Dear cast, get focused.
Because I will throw something.
Not even kidding.
I just need everything to fall into place.
Like lights.
Yeah, maybe my show needs lights?
Does this also have to be test week?
Thank you, school.
We have 2 more rehearsals left.
Then others get to judge it.
And that's just awesome.
I can't remember the last time I ate a real dinner.
Aaaaaaaand I'm tired.

Is it Valentine's Day, yet?

Saturday, February 7, 2009


I love my friends and my life and where I'm at right now. Correction: where I'm headed.

I can be the most selfish person on the face of the planet. I know this. I try to fix it, but it never changes. I can also be extremely jealous, though it's mostly internal and rips me apart rather than expressing things outwardly. I hate that I can focus on myself for so long. I have been focusing on myself for over a year. Well over a year. And it's time to change. I am ready for this. I am ready for the adventure I am about to start. I don't want to be selfish anymore. I am only human. I am an average college girl who is trying to get by, but I've got people who care about me- and I won't concern myself with the ones who don't. I really don't want to mess this up. I have never wanted something to work so badly in my life.

I know I still have a ways to go, but I'm glad to be surrounded by people who encourage me daily.

Especially him.

UPDATE ON MY SHOW: We've entered show week, people. I have 4, that's right, 4 rehearsals left before we open...and I am very ready for it. My cast will be ready. Everything will be ready. Okay...well maybe the lighting won't be- but everything else will be! I hate that I will be SO EXTREMELY BUSY THIS WEEK because of my show, but I will miss it when it's over. And then it's Valentine's Day.... :)

Thursday, February 5, 2009

And all you wanted was somebody who cared.

So, there has been a certain turn of events in my life as of late, and I like it. I've been dealing with so much stress-- homework, classes, tests, work, rehearsals, MY PLAY THAT OPENS A WEEK FROM TODAY, and everything it's nice to have a reason to slow down. I've never aproached anything this way before, and I couldn't be more encouraged for what is to come. Plus, I'm pretty sure Daddy Baker approves like you wouldn't even know!

I am happy.

If anyone can make me a better person, you could.
All I gotta say is I must've done something good.

Monday, February 2, 2009


...was THE most perfect ending to a most stressful and emotionally draining day.

::happy sigh::

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Cheesy. And I don't care!

Okay, I can't remember smiling this much. EVER!

I can't even breathe.

I almost don't believe it...

So. Happy.

That's all.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

mood ring.

My moods have been SO up and down lately. And this is a personal check point that I need to have to remind myself to CHILL OUT sometimes. Not everything is a horrible as it may seem at first.

To keep those of you who care updated: my show is really shaping up. Rehearsals are going well and I feel like I've been really productive in the last 2 weeks. More to come on that soon, since my show goes up...well...soon.

I think I need more hours in a day...

Saturday, January 17, 2009

I love Harding so much...

. . . that I think I'm making my 4.5 years here into a full 5 years.

::runs into a corner and hides:::

It's not official yet, but I've been thinking about it. And I will absolutely HATE my next two semesters if I have to take 20 hours for both of them. And then I'll be one of those awkward people who graduate in the Fall Semester...where nobody thinks you're graduating and so nobody cares to say goodbye. (WE MISS YOU, JARED!) But seriously, I'd rather ENJOY my last semester(s) here at school. And with the Bible and chapel requirements, it's almost an achievement if one graduates in 4 semesters anyway. AND I have an excuse . . .I dropped my intended major and added a double major halfway through my sophomore year. Genious, right? So I think I might do that.

I'm in no hurry to graduate, anyway. There's nothing pulling me out. "The rest of my life" will still be waiting for me when I leave.

I meet with my advisor on Wednesday. I'll let you know how that goes.

OH! And I have encouraging friends :)

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

I'm not lying here.

I refuse to be tied down to thoughts of "what was" or "what could have been".

I'm living for "what IS".
And I'm planning for "what will be".

I am focusing on who I AM.
And who I want to be.

This is new for me.
I'd like encouragement.

Aaaaaaaaaand scene.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009


Just because I’m losing
Doesn’t mean I’m lost
Doesn’t mean I’ll stop
Doesn’t mean I will cross

Just because I’m hurting
Doesn’t mean I’m hurt
Doesn’t mean I didn’t get what I deserve
No better and no worse

I just got lost
Every river that I’ve tried to cross
And every door I ever tried was locked
Ooh-Oh, And I’m just waiting till the shine wears off…

Monday, January 12, 2009

Sometimes, I feel like I make sense...

If you hear this wherever you are, just know I need you here, I need you near me now.

The semester started today, and I hit the ground running. Classes and meetings and rehearsals. Busy. But a good busy. I think.
I'm bummed out about things that I just need to GET OVER. So that's what I plan on doing. All the while planning things for my play....which goes up sooner than I think.
I was also told today that I was hard to talk to.
I'm going to be so busy until my play is over, and then I sit back and watch my friends do something that I want so desperately.
And no, you don't get it.
Next week are auditions for Scrooge, so I've been keeping pretty busy with audition material for that so that I'm fully prepared. I'm excited...I think.

Don't ever change.