Sunday, February 22, 2009

Don't hate me after reading this.

This is going to sound horrible.
But I've finally found someone that I WANT to treat well. And I am finally happy enough with myself and who I am to admit that. Can I be a horrible person? Yes. I'll be the first person to admit that you don't want to make me angry. But I was NOT myself in the past. In fact, I've never been more myself than I am when I'm with him.
I'm not really sure if anyone will/can understand this, but it's the absolute truth. I have found somebody who is, in every way, an answered prayer. I have settled in the past. I have chased after things that I knew weren't right or wouldn't work out, just to see if I could. This is not the case. And I am FULLY aware than this blog has turned into "let's read about Mary's relationship", and I'm not wanting it to be that way...but I am discovering SO MUCH about myself in this process that I can't NOT write about it. The "Mary" that everyone, myself included, knew and loved several months ago is back. I think the last time I prayed this hard about anything was when my mother was sick. For the past few months I have actually been real with God, telling him what I know I need, instead of what I want or what is easy.
And now I'm praying that I can get rid of this feeling that I'm not good enough...because it is the worst lie that replays in my head everytime he does something sweet.

I'll update on other life news now, if you care:
Design class is eating my soul. I am spending so much to make this Cornell box that I might as well pick up yet ANOTHER job just to pay for my projects. I need to make a box for Hedda Gabler. And while I think the box will be great and fun and such to make...there just aren't enough hours in the DAY! And I need to finish it this week before I go to Abiline this weekend with Tessa to see LITTLE WOMEN!!!!!! AHHHHH!!! SO EXCITED!

I have it pretty good. Seriously.

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